Campfire fun (but without the camping)

My dad came and stayed with us last week while hubby was in China. We had a great time getting stuff done that has been a bit hard for me to really get stuck into. 

We made a dent in the weeds that had taken over the vegie garden - again. We trimmed Gwen the goats feet -finally. Dad pruned my fruit trees - he's so much better than me at it. And we watched the newest episode of River Cottage Australia. I find it a bit fake and rehearsed but push through it for inspiration. Of which I got! Is is Paul? Well he made damper on a camp fire in the yard. My boys love building fires - picking up sticks and making little mounds everywhere. 

"I know!" I declared on Saturday morning "Let's make a campfire and cook dinner on it!" 

Lots of excited cheering followed.

There was lots of fire poking once it was lit. Lots of smoke too as it had been a bit rainy.

It got going in the end.

More fire poking.

Damper was cooked and then eaten with butter and my homemade apricot jam.

Ebony waited patiently to be put to bed.

The boys waited patiently while Gubby (my dad) cooked the damper

We cooked some stray potatoes we had found in the vegie garden earlier in the day. Wrapped them in foil and threw them in. They were so good.

And of course we had sausages in bread.

So much fun and I think we should do it much more often. We seem to be rushing through the days so quickly and forgetting to add some fun and make some memories. I worry these kids are missing out on so much fun stuff on this farm we are so lucky to live on. I'm feeling we need to slow down and live more simply. 

                       

Envy

This is my pregnany belly the day I was induced with William. He was 12 days overdue.

This is my pregnant belly at 7 months with Samuel - Huge!

For some reason I don't have any pregnant belly photos from Ebony, so here she is the day she was born.

Lately I've been seeing people lots of pregnant women and instantly disliking them. Awful I know. But I can't seem to help it. I seem to be struggling a bit with knowing that there are no more babies for me. I'm all done. I made the decision to have my tubes tide when I had Ebony, and I thought that I was fine with that. 

But then, while I was on the table getting sewn back together my Dr leaned over that big blue drape and told me I was doing the right thing as my uterus was in no condition to have anymore. It was stretched and weakened and he was having trouble stopping the bleeding. It wouldn't hold another pregnancy.

I just nodded at the time. 

But now, 4 months later, I look at Ebony and feel like I'm not finished. It has knocked me over a bit as I had always said I wasn't having kids. Now I have three and feel like there should be more. Crazy! 

So I keep seeing all these pregnant ladies around and have pregnant friends, some just about to have their first, and I envy them. They get to experience that amazing, brand new baby moment and my most favorite bit -  the very first week when they just sleep and feed (and poo) and are so perfect. 

I know I should be happy for them but I can't help feeling a bit selfish and wishing it was me again.